Christmas is approaching and everyone’s excited. People are hanging ornamental lights on their billboards, shops, trees, and maybe if they’re enthusiastic enough, the cable pillars too. Everyone’s coming together, having a great time, enjoying the holiday, as we wait for Santa to shove himself down our chimneys and let the gifts rain in our living rooms, while he snacks on our cookies and milk. Jokes aside, the myth had sparked the tradition of gift-giving among peers, families, and friends, along with games that are inspired by this practice such as Secret Santa. But what if it all isn’t a myth? What if Santa turned out to be a real person? Would it all be better or worse? Let’s investigate this possibility and see how this could work out.
Before we begin, I just need to address that Santa would probably die traveling the speed that he’s traveling and his reindeers wouldn’t make it after two seconds of flying. To tackle this question, we might have to disregard the Law of Physics and assume that he’s some supernatural being that could tolerate traveling at the speed of 5,083,000 mph, carried by a buff Rudolph and his herd that could hypothetically lift him and his giant sack of gifts. With that out of the way, let’s first start with his nice and naughty list.
The Nice and Naughty List
In the myth, it’s often stated that Santa has a nice and naughty list. If your children behaved nicely throughout the year, they received a gift and it applies the other way around to misbehaving children. The myth is often used as a disciplinary practice, making children behave so they’ll be rewarded with a gift at Christmas. However, if Santa was real, I think parents would be alerted about the idea of him monitoring their child every step of the way. The fact that the famous song behind the myth, “Santa is Coming to Town” includes lines such as: ‘He sees you when you’re sleeping and he knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake,’ makes it all the more problematic. This mass surveillance could get him convicted, fined, or even imprisoned, as Santa would be violating laws that secure privacy for an individual. This case becomes even more severe when he’s observing a specific demographic of the population: children.
Now him violating the privacy of these innocent children is already unlawful on its own, but when you consider what he does right after he finalized his nice and naughty list, unlawful surveillance is not the only crime he’s committing. Do you know how Santa always enters our chimneys or somehow finds a way to get in our houses? Well, that’s also pretty concerning. This kind of behavior would prompt the masses to strengthen their security and do whatever it takes to keep Father Christmas at bay. He might use his innocent and kind reputation as a means to rob or steal property that belongs to the homeowner. I mean, he ate our cookies and milk, what else can’t he take when we’re asleep? He specifically only comes when we’re asleep and that fact alone sparks more paranoia and suspicion among the general population. Even if he didn’t rob anyone, he’d still be trespassing our homes and without consent.
The Elves and Labor
And don’t get me started on the poor elves. If hypothetically Santa was real, then the elves would be too and when we evaluate how they live their lives, it doesn’t seem very jolly. While we often overlook their laborious lives, as we get fooled by their jolly smiles and pointy ears, it’s never questioned whether or not the elves benefit from working in the toy factory. I mean, sure they look like they are enjoying their job, but don’t you ever stop to think and wonder if they were ever paid for the amount of effort they put into wrapping those gifts or manufacturing the toys? It doesn’t seem so and when you take into consideration the number of toys they’d need to make and wrap, it becomes quite obvious that it’s a process that requires extensive labor and it doesn’t get finished overnight. It’s hard to imagine how the elves might find time to relax with how much toys they have to make. So far, the elves don’t seem to receive any form of reward for their doings, whether it’s a salary or a break. They are never given any credit for their efforts, while Santa on the other hand, is the well-loved, jolly, white-bearded fellow who trots to children’s doorstep with a gift and is always celebrated as a figure of great generosity. Imagine working under those harsh conditions, not having any form of payment for your efforts, and doing the same thing every single day.
Those are just some of the many dire realities that we have to face if Santa was real. He’d be deemed a criminal with everyone raiding the North Pole to get rid of Kris Kringle and free the poor elves from their lives of constant servitude. Let’s just be glad he’s just a myth and it’s probably best, he stays a myth. Merry Christmas!